I have always suffered from anxiety (and what I now recognize as fear). When I saw 21 Days Deepening Journey, freedom from anxiety and fear with the Sage Robbins and the Freedom Guru app I was all over it.
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This might get a little personal. But all in the pursuit of honesty. And clarity.
I always considered myself doomed to a life of anxiety. I don’t know, I’ve always been anxious and just figured that was my status quo. That was homeostasis.
In many ways that statement is true, but only because I have so far allowed me to stay there. And my new definition of fear followed suit. I called it planning for the worst-case scenario but that was working under the assumption that the worst-case scenario was inevitable.
There are many factors that have contributed to my life of anxiety.
Multiple divorces and remarriages in my childhood. Different chaotic events or circumstances. A lot of difficult situations to understand. I set up a lot of frameworks in my mind to prevent more anxiety and fear and basically attracted those negative things to me by doing so.
When considering why I felt anxious I always considered it to be an observational situation. Only, I didn’t consider that I was allowing myself to stay stuck in fear and anxiety while I “figured it out”.
A main source of anxiety was thinking that I had to figure it all out.
I like figuring things out. People watching is ceaselessly entertaining to me. As an adult, I now realize that that was a learned behavior in an attempt to make sense of my surroundings growing up.
From a young age I was taken care of by my mother, father, stepmother, stepfather, babysitter, grandmother one and grandmother two. All that means is that I had to adapt to different personalities constantly. When someone says it takes a village, I was the definition.
This isn’t me complaining, I’m just stating an observation. It’s impossible to get that many people on the same page. I wanted to make everyone happy and happy with me, which could be confusing. And can definitely make one anxious.
My anxiety was just my fear-based brain.
That flight or fight response was hyperactive. It was more often on the “on” switch than it inactive. I was allowing myself to stay in fear and anxiety because I was always looking for a threat.
The fear based brain is just your base instincts. Identifying possible threats and deciding whether you need to leave a situation by flight or fight a possible threat. But “planning” for bad situations to happen is also fear. It’s your brain thinking “this is going to happen” so often you almost make it happen. Because you keep looking for it your brain will keep finding it, get it?
The Freedom Guru app helped me identify and define what the fear-based brain was.
And what decisions I was making in that state of fear and anxiety. It’s not enough to identify triggers if you don’t also find out how to stop them being triggered.
Think of your own life, are you like me, who saves money because you think it’s your lifeline? That might be your fear and anxiety based brain hoarding resources preparing for winter. Only, you shouldn’t be preparing for a perpetual winter like The Game of Thrones. Being prepared is one thing, thinking that it’s inevitable is another.
Maybe you’re also like me, who enjoys the safety and security of the mundane. Getting a job and paying your bills and trying to not get out of line. Except I still wasn’t happy with the mundane.
The human brain needs the mundane as much as it craves excitement.
When I was laid off from my job (which many can relate to now) I was in the excitement brain. I hated that job, and if you follow me you’ll know I speak of this often.
To clarify, I love working, but I’m not a robot and I want my work to mean something. I was working like a dog for no extra money, no room for advancement, and for no tangible results. It was infuriating.
When I was pregnant with my son I knew something had to change
Only I didn’t know how. I was presented with an opportunity with a direct sales company and I knew that was my way out. My way out of a miserable job, but not my way out of anxiety and fear. You can read about my blogging journey too and how it tied into my newfound entrepreneurial journey.
It was all well and great in theory, only I had immense self-limiting beliefs that I’m still in the process of tearing down. Time takes much longer than one might think, destroying years of learned behaviors and years of thinking that I had to be small and go unnoticed.
Realizing your natural potential doesn’t happen overnight.
The hardest part for my true potential to reveal itself is to stop reverting to my fear and anxiety based brain. This doesn’t happen overnight and that’s why the one program of the app was designed for 21 days. There is more science to the 21 days that I have yet to research but it does always start with one step.
My gut reaction to every situation has been with the anxiety and fear based gut reaction. I want this life of freedom but if the smallest thing goes wrong sometimes I’ll spiral out of control again. There’s nothing I want more than freedom of choice and freedom from anxiety but I have to choose it every day.
It’s a lesson in waiting.
You might be like me and looking at your life thinking, ‘I should be farther along by now’ or ‘why does this person have more’? And I can tell you both are in vain.
Living a life free from anxiety and fear also means that you’re not looking left or right, you’re looking forward. You only see your next goal, next objective, your destination. Comparison is the thief of contentment.
Your journey is yours alone and that’s more than fine! Some people that you may look at and think, ‘wow they have so much, I want that’. Should serve as a motivator not a deterrent.
Freedom from anxiety and fear also means freedom from judgment. From judging yourself and others because we are all on our own journeys on Earth and we can only do what we can do. You want to be further ahead in life, so just focus on that! How you can get there and what actions can be done today to help you?
Faith is imperative.
I don’t know you from Adam (which is comically my husbands name) but faith is different for everyone. If you see any of my videos on any of my social media platforms you know I tend to use ‘the universe’ as opposed to ‘God’ or anything else like that.
The reasons for that are plenty but I was raised Catholic. I just think it’s more palatable to more people to use the ‘universe’.
But I believe the universe has a plan. Even when you don’t think there’s a plan, I think that might be part of the plan, and if there’s no plan then who cares anyway? Do what makes you happy, doesn’t hurt anyone else (at least intentionally), and is moving towards where you want to go.
You have to have faith in yourself to find the way, faith in the universe to help you do that, and faith in your abilities to achieve what you’re trying to do.
That means investing in you and your higher power.
My husband and I are in recovery, so higher power is another term I’m comfortable using. But even in ‘the rooms’ meaning Narcotics Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous they’ll use ‘higher power’.
I mention this because it was an investment in myself, my husband, and our relationship that we decided to become sober. If we wanted more out of life, we both identified that addiction was a hindrance to our best versions of our lives.
Personally, I lacked the courage for a long time to go against the grain.
But I also couldn’t fit in the box everyone was trying to put me in. It was an investment of mine to understand that about myself and understanding how I could change it. Similar to recovery, I had to admit that it was a problem before I could figure out how to change it.
Once I figured out what it was and wanted to change it, only then could I find the resources. This same principle can be said for fear and anxiety.
It took a while for me to define fear and anxiety. More to understand all of the ways that fear and anxiety had infiltrated my life. And even more to find the resources to eliminate it or handle it.
Fear and anxiety is like a bad dream.
This was one of the actual lessons in the app. Imagine being an animal and all of your life revolves around the base instincts. Fear and anxiety only serves one purpose, survival.
The survival based brain only wants to ensure it’s survival and the survival of its lineage. But human beings have adapted far beyond that survival brain, however much it is our homeostasis.
Living in fear and anxiety is fine if there are literal threats that you need to identify and do something about. But fear of failure, as the app had used, is like a bad dream. Failure is real but your failure is only a bad dream unless you make it a reality.
You want to focus on dreams that get you ahead in life, ones based not on fear but on possibilities.
Start focusing on what you need to get you to that next level and you’ll find them. It’s about manifesting your dreams not your nightmares. If Tony Robbins told you to find everything brown in the room, you’ll start seeing things that are really red but are ‘brownish’. The same happens with your thoughts and dreams.
If you start focusing on the possibilities, you’ll end up seeing more. Focus on the obstacles and that’s what you will see.
Obstacles will happen. But start seeing obstacles as stepping stones, as pauses for reflection and redirection, not insurmountable.
I had identified my fear of going against the grain. As well as my anxiety that I would fail hold me back for a long time. There was my fear of being judged. Secondly, my anxiety of being unaccepted. Finally, my deep-rooted beliefs that I was not enough to stop me from even trying.
Once I reached my “threshold of pain” as Tony Robbins would say, did I acknowledge that it was a problem. Then I had to want to change it (because it’s more comfortable being there), and only then did I find the resources to get out of there. So if you’re here, you might be finding the resources to further your dreams.
I hope that you go after your dreams!
I hope you conquer every mountain put in your path. You never know who you might impact if you do, or who’s life you might change, including yours!
Like anything else, it all starts with one step. And don’t forget that one step in the right direction is always better than a giant leap in the wrong direction. Just have faith, don’t take life too seriously, and don’t give up your pursuit for the life you want! Remember, you were given a dream for a reason! Now go make your dream a reality.
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I too suffer from anxiety from time to time and I have found the HALT method works well for me. Thanks for all your insights.
I’m sorry to hear that but I’m glad that you found something that works for you! Thanks for sharing.
Very well written! Focusing on possibilities instead of fears is always a practical way to deal with anxious thoughts!
Thank you so much!
I’m not sure how frequently you hear this, but if you don’t hear it enough, I’d like to say I am proud of you because you have worked very hard on yourself. To be in recovery, to have so much insight about yourself – that takes a lot of work. And your courage to break it down and be vulnerable is amazing. Keep up the good work.
Thank you so much Nancy. That brightened my day like you couldn’t imagine. Keep spreading your light everywhere it’s appreciated!